मैं

टूट कर जो बिखर जाए वोह ख्वाब नही मैं,
हसरत से सब अनजान है जिसकी वो राज सही मैं ।
हर गलती को शायद माफ़ कर पर जो उसे भूला दे वो अंदाज नही मैं,
किसी दिल के करीब न सही पर दूर किसी की याद सही मैं ।
शायद किसी की हर खुशी का आगाज नही मैं,
पर हर गम में साथ सही मैं ।
मोती बन जो बिखर जाए वो अश्को की बरसात नही मैं,
बिखरे मोतियों को समेटने का विश्वास सही मैं ।
क्या कहू क्या नही मैं,
ना समझ पाओ तो सवाल और समझ पाओ तोह उस सवाल का जवाब सही मैं ।

Moon

Surfing on some emotional waves, R walked towards the garden, found a corner place where no one could see her. As it is she was not visible in that dark winter night, not even those water droplets which were rolling down her cheeks, some which her eyes were trying to hold, and made her vision blur. After sometime when she started feeling some pain in her throat, she started comforting and consoling herself, and during the same she sensed sweet smell, and they were those small flowers of raat ki rani (night blooming jasmine)

She explored the place through her eyes, it was not dark, there was moon light covering as a sheet over the darkness, then she stared at moon over her head, it was bright smiley it seemed, the craters on moon looked like forming two eyes watching her with a bright smile. It seemed the luminescence had radiated her from inside, as this visualization brought smile on her face.

R whom I’m telling about is no one else but it’s me, and I smiled looking at the moon because I retrospect something sweet watching that moon, during my degree college days, when I used to live at a flat on 4^th floor in Mumbai, at night before going to a sound sleep I used to stare at moon for hours, at times it looked so beautiful that I couldn’t resist messaging my friends, “Look at that moon outside it’s looking awesome.” And that day looked even beautiful as my heart remembered those words of jyo, saying, “When we’ll not be together and will be miles apart, this moon will be the only common thing between all of us.” At that moment I just smiled and I found those lines a bit filmy but they seemed true that day, when I was alone but soon found company of MOON.

During my childhood days, everyone used to call moon as chanda mama and I hated chanda mama because I was afraid of him, as what seems to me a smiley today, seemed as a devil staring at me. I don’t remember when my perception changed, but yes it did.

That night I just watched moon for hours, and this was one of the best times I’ve lived with myself, at times we just don’t need anyone except ourselves, and I can’t say that night I was alone, as the moon was my companion.

क्यू ?

जो चाहते है वो क्यू नही होता?
जिसे चाहते है वो क्यू नही मिलता?
क्यू देते है दर्द जो हमे चाहते है?
क्यू इन चाहतो से बढ़कर हमारे लिए कुछ नही होता?
क्यू ज़िन्दगी हर पल नई करवट लेती है?
क्यू इस चलती गाड़ी में रुकावट होती है ?
इस रुकावट के लिए हमारे सिवा कोई खेद क्यू नही करता?
क्यू इन सवालों का जवाब कोई क्यू नही देता?

The Happiest Day of My Life

Given as an exercise in class to speak on ‘The Happiest Day of My Life’, such a simple thing it seemed but it wasn’t so.

HAPPINESS, such a bright and vibrant word it is. The first thing I remember about being happy is me as a kid standing with my brightest smile and my mom handing me a chocolate and asking, “Are you happy now?” and me nodding yes :)

But what is being happy, smile and satisfaction u feel after sleeping two more hours on a winter morning, meeting an old friend and catching up with the same pace as if nothing has changed or watching someone smile. Happiness for me is a feeling, which when you feel want to keep feeling it.

Over the course of my life, I have experienced many days of happiness, each one giving me a unique experience. But happiness is something I consider intangible; it can just be felt and cannot be measured.

So when questioned that which day of my life was the happiest day of my life, I simply can’t answer.

Was it the joy of getting my first cycle at the age of 8 or the days of the results on which I was being praised for being a ranker, or the day when I first time prepared tea for my dad and he rewarded being best in world.

Or was it the elation of being an adult on my 18th birthday and moreover getting a license so that I could drive.

Or was it the days of fun and freedom of bunking classes, enjoying mumbai rains, chatting, laughing and just being together with friends.

May its the day my di gave birth to a angelic baby and became a proud mother after so many complications.

May be, a day before yesterday was the happiest day of my life when i chatted with my bhai till 1 at night, it was so relaxing, it felt really great of being thought and cared about.

These feelings of relaxation, satisfaction, expression, achievement, being praised, being loved, freedom is happiness for me.

So each passing day, brings happiness to me in different shades, the feelings and emotion which i want to feel again and again. I think it's just not one, instead i'm blessed with soo many happy days and many more yet to come.

Change

It has been really long, I haven’t written anything, I have but nothing which I could publish on blog. Writing is something which I can never leave be it my exams or anything, it’s completely a stress buster and it sometimes helps me to understand myself.

Running through the pages of statistics, which was my first exam, life seemed so calculative, so practical, and I being a sentimental person, cried a lot as I couldn’t bear that practicality in my life. My best friends (who are my degree college friends) forgot to wish me luck for my so important my PG exams. And I was really upset when I was getting wishes from all those people from whom I didn’t even expect as whenever my phone rang or a sms beeped I really thought it must be both of them but they weren’t. Just one thought how they can forget my exams; they have never done this before.

You might think it’s so stupid of me to think so, even I thought the same, but it’s not so, I soon realized it wasn’t that they didn’t wished me but it was I wasn’t getting something which I expected. Just imagine, a person who’s really dear to you, and is always the first one to wish you on your birthday, and on one of yours birthdays that person is not even the last one to wish you, you feel so ignored, with same sensation I was going through. I realized this it wasn’t there mistake, it was me, who was expecting, and an expectation truly kills you at times. One of my friend, made me realize of my weakness and that was more worse, I was told I ruin things because I live in past and future, and never for present, and I was forced to give a thought to it. The lines which punched me harder were, “ Things change, once you have let something apart and people who are so far from you are bound too loose that attachment, you are not the same for them now, so better don’t expect from them, live in present, and enjoy what you have today.” And I was just listening to this, and it just seemed that I’m being preached. Even today such a change is not acceptable by me, if I don’t change for them why should they change on my part, but I guess even on this part I’m wrong, as it is said, nothing in this world is constant what is constant is CHANGE.

Life seems like a thread containing small beads, as you move further you acquire some new beads but the thread can hold only few beads it just can’t be overloaded so you need to detach those old beads and just hold on the new ones. Though my life has capacity to hold so many beads, so I won’t be detaching my old friends, but I understand, they have their own lives, tensions and new friends, so they might forget me at times, but I’m still there someone in the corner of their minds and hearts with those melodious moments of being together, and I’m cent percent sure of this, as they don’t have guts to forget me more than this, as they know they won’t be spared :p

Bhai

Bhai

Bhai not the mumbaiya language one but Bhai i.e. what I call him, my sibling, my younger brother, I also call him Vahi :) at times.

As a child he was very innocent, simply cute and adorable, I remember he use to run away from his class and use to hide under my desk and I supported him in doing so as I could never see him crying, can’t see now as well.He was like a dearest toy to me with those twinkling eyes, sweet smile and thise adorable dimples; a gift given by my mom and whom I’ll never want to loose. He always wanted to do what I did, I had and whatever I wanted, I guess younger siblings are like that only; and at the end I used to bow down to all his demands as everyone use to say, “ beta vo chotta hai tum toh bade ho, samjhdaar ho.” And truly speaking I hated that, at times I was jealous why am I not younger or why didn’t I had a sister (girls are more sensible and less irritating). But you realize the importance of a brother when he grows up.

As we grew up, my brother acted like he didn't care,
but I always knew he looked out for me when I wasn’t there….

And now that he is grown up, he behaves like my elder brother, is very caring but never shows that. We have fought millions of times; I have cried for him and even due to him, there had also been times when we have not talked for days BUT there had been times when we have chatted and laughed on the same and various things. Earlier I never use to treat him like a friend but now we have revealed so many secrets and have discussed words which I never thought I would have discussed to my brother, I realized a brother is a friend given by nature. It feels proud that my younger bro who was and still is a child to me has grown up now he is my support system, at times when he might not be knowing also, he inspires me as he is ambitious and hard working person living on his own terms and intelligent plus a very positive person. He has imagination to convert negative into positive things and ambitious to achieve anything in life. I know he thinks such impossible things that we can only dream, but I know he can achieve that. He is little bit cool guy and little bit hot tempered, but as he sees more world, he realized it and started adopting good habits. His creativity is beyond the limits. I know he has a key of my life, but he never uses me or blackmails me because he knows difference between right and wrong. On the other side he is lazy and work with adjustments, but when point comes towards the dead end, he runs faster than a star.

I hate him when he is up to his stupid pjs but they make me laugh... He irritates me to his utmost capacity. But I guess all brothers are of same genes giving them chivious nature, and they consider as their right to irritate their sisters. But due to this they are remembered most in their absence…

At last I would like to say to him,
January to December
Sunday to Saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed….. ..
U….
R….
Always….
A HEADACHE to me!!!!

BUT STILL I LOVE THIS HEADACHE COZ U R MY SWEETEST BROTHER....

कोई तुमसे पूछे

कोई तुमसे पूछे कौन हूँ मैं ,
तुम कह देना कोई ख़ास नहीं .
एक दोस्त है कच्चा पक्का सा ,
एक झूठ है आधा सच्चा सा .
जज़्बात को ढके एक पर्दा बस ,
एक बहाना है अच्छा अच्छा सा .
जीवन का एक ऐसा साथी है ,
जो दूर हो के पास नहीं .
कोई तुमसे पूछे कौन हूँ मैं ,
तुम कह देना कोई ख़ास नहीं .
हवा का एक सुहाना झोंका है ,
कभी नाज़ुक तो कभी तुफानो सा .
शक्ल देख कर जो नज़रें झुका ले ,
कभी अपना तो कभी बेगानों सा .
जिंदगी का एक ऐसा हमसफ़र ,
जो समंदर है , पर दिल को प्यास नहीं .
कोई तुमसे पूछे कौन हूँ मैं ,
तुम कह देना कोई ख़ास नहीं .
एक साथी जो अनकही कुछ बातें कह जाता है ,
यादों में जिसका एक धुंधला चेहरा रह जाता है .
यूँ तो उसके न होने का कुछ गम नहीं ,
पर कभी - कभी आँखों से आंसू बन के बह जाता है .
यूँ रहता तो मेरे तसव्वुर में है ,
पर इन आँखों को उसकी तलाश नहीं .
कोई तुमसे पूछे कौन हूँ मैं ,
तुम कह देना कोई ख़ास नहीं